Fear of Success

I have a lingering project in my studio. And it's killing me because, as I've said before, I am a start-to-finish girl. How have I suddenly gotten myself into this position?

3 words: Fear of Success

Way back in my art school days I remember a professor diagnosing me with "Fear of Success". It sounded like the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. At the time I wanted nothing more than success. Now if he would have said, "Fear of Failure", I would have agreed with that whole-heartedly. So I dismissed those words. And yet, they ended up haunting me for years.

You see, every time I take on a "designed by me" creative project, I stutter at the end. I avoid finishing the last bit of work that needs to be done. For instance, the Woodland Animal embroideries I did for Little Bear's room were all stitched and ready to be framed for a few months before I made myself do it. And once they were done, I sat back...a little shy about the attention they might receive.

I think my professor was telling me to be as creative as I could and let the chips fall where they may. Sometimes those chips fall into the realm of success, and that's part of the creative journey. A single success just unlocks one of the doors on your way. Just one. And there are a million more left to open. Your own personal creative path is a long road that never ends.

It's time to put aside my fears and take care of business. The short-term solution is simple...take a big girl pill and finally finish my first queen sized quilt.

The piecing on the top has been finished, hand-embroidery done, quilt back is sewn, and it even has been to the longarm quilter and back (waving to Stitchlilly right now!). What is left? Just two things. Attaching the binding and hand-quilting the embroidery panels. Everything else will be set aside until this is done.

When this monster is finished I will definitely share my creative process and my inspiration with you. For now, a sneak peek...

This quilt is saying "bind me already!"

Pinwheels, log-cabins and checkerboards playing nice-nice with each other.

There is something about the quilting that just makes all the blocks seem like they belong together.

 Thanks for listening (reading?) to my own personal crazy.

–Cassandra

Reflections on 2011

Today I started navel-gazing, inspired by a post made by Anna Maria Horner. Here are some things I learned this year:

• To be thankful for my opportunities.
• Life needs to be simple to be enjoyable.
• Things can surprise you with how much they hurt.
• Shifting gears as a mom to preschoolers and a mom to a college student is challenging.
• I don't hoard yarn.
• I do hoard fabric.
• I love designing more than I like mass-producing product.
• Swatching isn't so bad.

Swatching for one of our upcoming designs.

• My state political climate can shift disturbingly quickly.
• I had boxes upon boxes of items to donate (and never be missed) in my basement before the great purge. I'm so ashamed of that.
• When said basement was cleared, I had room for the studio space I have been craving.
• Home-made pizza is really the best.
• Napping is nothing to feel guilty about.
• I am really a Dark Shadows geek. (get the discs...you will be too!)
• I watch way too much reality TV.
• I missed going antiquing.
• My family is there for me. 
• My husband is the most generous man ever.
• I procrastinate.

Seaming a holiday sweater on the way to the celebration.

• It's okay being on the other side of 40.
• My Great-Grandmother is my true hero. (more about her later)
• Magic is real.
• I love blogging.
• I love, love, love, making.

It's amazing what you can find in your navel!
– Cassandra

Love Fades

Happy new year everyone! I hope your celebrations were wonderful.

I was on vacation all last week. The time was spent mostly taking down our holiday decorations, visiting with family and (as much time as I could manage) crafting. I got pretty far on the knitting accessory case that I wrote about here. I am embarrassed to say that what kept me from just finishing it up was a trip to the store for some elastic thread and buttons. Sometimes a girl just doesn't want to leave the house when she has the option of wearing her pajamas all day long.

Unfinished status aside, I am really happy with how it's going thus far. I think I'm going to really like the color choices and fabric textures for years to come. That's one of the problems with things that I make for myself. Sometimes the fabric or yarn that I love, love, love at the time becomes tiresome after a year or so. Recently, I've given this phenomenon a lot of thought. I think that sometimes I get all giddy over busy patterns and bright colors that I forget that my taste will change in time. The "new" me sticks with natural colors and simple patterns. For now ;)

This is where I am at the moment with this project:

Detail of robin embroidery.

Detail of robin's nest.

Pieces all cut out and ready to be seamed up.

After I get the supplies that I need from the store, it should sew up nicely. Hopefully my design will work as well in reality as it does on paper!

The other thing I wanted to tell you about is the knitting project that I got started on this week. I did a lot of research, hemmed and hawed, and then made a decision. I'm not going to reveal the whole enchilada today...but, here is a sneak peek at what I'm working on:

New project on the needles!

Alex's post last Friday about her crafty resolutions has me thinking, I might need to come up with some of my own. So, I'll be working on those as well as my unfinished projects until I talk to you again.

– Cassandra